you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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