ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
