Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize