Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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