I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
