so that wasnt chicken after all
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
