Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize