Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
