I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
