I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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