New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
