The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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