it wasn't lemon gatorade
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
