Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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