I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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