just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
