you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
