who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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