my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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