singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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