I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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