i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Jerry, you need to find god
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
