Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize