You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
4 words: hood of his car
someone owes me an orgasm
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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