You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
