I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
