quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
barbara walters just said penis...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
