suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
