So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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