Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
