as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He kissed a someone with a penis
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
