his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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