when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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