I'm really into asian looking animals
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
