i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
