I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
