you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
