no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
