The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
