girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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