His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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