P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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