She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
