I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
