I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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