I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize