Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
