I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
