meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
