it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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