her vagine was all disorganized.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
