final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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