well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
