Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
