the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
