Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
