His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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