i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
