dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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