Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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