I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
