I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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