so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
