what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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