loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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