it was like his penis was on wheels.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
