Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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