i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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