therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
