Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
