So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
