nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
