i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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