just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
