i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
