I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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