she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
